Threshold of Adulthood

I've been conflicted lately with life. Somehow you get to a point of no return, a point where you have to grow up, face the world and its responsibilities. I hate having to grow up, but it is inevitable.

When I say growing up, I mean the next chapter after graduating from college or a university. My personal conflict about this is to actually get a real job and actually take on this profession I chose.

"Can I really be a professional? Can I be as good as I aspire to be? How much shit am I going to be forced to take from my future boss?". These are all some of many questions I constantly ask myself. Of course, as some of you already must have noticed, I have never worked a real job before, not even part time. That is because I'm daddy's spoiled princess. Believe me, I do not admit that with pride. The world judges me according to that, and think of me as the girl who can't get her hands dirty 'cause it will ruined her nails, or some stupid stereotype like that. It isn't really like that, I'm a tough cookie, and I am really hard on myself when I don't live up to my own expectations, not to mention my father's.

Anyway, after graduation you find yourself in a situation where you have to face reality. You are 20 something, you have just graduated, you have to start working and start being an active part of the system. You have to become an adult, you have to earn money, you have to assume responsibilities such as paying taxes, paying insurance, paying mortgages, paying and paying and paying... Not only that, you have to live up to everyone's expectations apart from your own.

During this threshold of adulthood or even afterwards, you will still be probably wondering "Am I really the person I wanted to be?" or "Have I  really achieved my goals?". I know there are a lot of people who have literal goals in their lives and I know many don't. The ones that don't ask themselves these questions more often than the latter. But even so, people who do have goals can lose sight of them, I personally think most people lose sight of their goals as life goes on.

I'm losing sight of my point... It is damn scary, for me at least, what comes next. To actually stand on my two feet, it is the scariest thing in the world and the one thing I've wanted for a long time... Well there is nothing more to it... Just caring on and facing life.

Fan fiction? Or originality?

I just read a very interesting article about fan fictions. I've never read one myself, but it sounds like an interesting idea. I mean, I love writing and all. Well... when I feel like it at least. And the idea of writing about the characters you love of your favorite books seems like a dream to me, but at the same time, it seems like a sin, a sin against the author which would be God in this scenario.

It's contradicting... But it is a whole new strategy that Amazon has come up with to make profit. I mean fans are actually gonna be paid to write about other peoples characters... Of course, with all the legal proceedings, the authors that allow it will have in no time fans writing stories about their characters and their lives.

I think it is amazing to read someone else's point of view at how things end in certain books, or at least, how they think things should end. Or maybe reading about a whole new version of the characters themselves. It is this big fan revolution, where their imagination also is taken into account.

My "but" here is that those books are created by a person and just because we fall in love with that world doesn't mean it gives us the right to rule in it. It belongs body and soul to the author. I know and understand that when a person publishes his work, that means their characters come to life through other people's eyes. But that doesn't mean we can  really change it, or can we?

There are many books that are based on others' stories, and we all get inspired by other authors' characters and stories, that is completely normal. So isn't that the same? Or do we forgive and forget because this new author's point of view is as interesting as the original author's?

It is a bit confusing to be honest. I think people should be original... However, we can still feel inspired by other books, but we should respect as much as possible their ideas, even if we use them as guidelines for our own. It is normal to need a guide at a beginning, but at some point, every author has their own identity and their own feel to the text and the words... So maybe the focus should shift from the characters and the story of other authors to the question of "who am I as a writing?" and "what do I want to accomplish with writing this?"

Here the link to the article.

http://www.examiner.com/article/amazon-and-fan-fiction-copy-cats-or-revolutionary

Old Friends and Old Memories

Why is it that I after so long still care for old friends who don't seem to care for me? Probably more than one person has this feeling.

After knowing a person for a couple of years, in my case 8 years, you expect these people to have some respect, even, if I dare say, have some love for you. Taking into account that most of the time spent together was as friends, it is completely reasonable to expect things such as occasional chit chat or, at least, a comment on facebook. But no, the answer to this friendship is silence.

Why is that so? Why silence? If you dislike my intention of keeping the friendship alive, than let me know and I'll stop trying to write. But why answer with silence? Are people so afraid to admit to others that they don't like them anymore? Even after so many years of "friendship".

I have always felt that friends are a complicated issue. I can pass a long time without talking to a friend, and when we meet again, it is like time has not passed between us. Or, at least, this is what I feel with my closes friends. So, does this mean that the others, who don't feel the same way, stop being friends?

I'm not even touching the subject of ex-friends, I'm talking about good friends in the past that suddenly just don't talk to you anymore for no known reason. What is the solution to this problem? I've seen many, and don't like any of them.

Option 1: degrating yourself, and trying to get this person's attention at any cost, aka getting desperate.
Option 2: ignoring them back, and wait to see if at some point, that person will write back, aka stop caring.
Option 3: try talking it over with the person, even through a message, to see what is going on, aka communicating.

I must admit sadly that I've tried them all. I've ignored back, which didn't work, because you just end up never getting answered, and you'll probably stop given a damn or care more. I've also gotten crazy needy and tried talking to the person, apologizing if I hurt their feelings for any reason and maybe that is why they don't talk back... This option did actually work to get their attention, and I used that opportunity to meet with the person and tried to communicate about what was wrong. The shitty part is that the person insisted he/she was fine, and was not angry, just busy sometimes and forgets to write.

Of course, it is a valide excuse, and you respect it since you are pretty fucking busy too. But what happens if the not answering continuous to years and not months?

I have not heard of this person in 2 years. I tried writing maybe once or twice last year, and no answer. I kinda got nostalgia going on now, and I just tried written for the first time this year. Lets see what happens.

Thou I still find this to be the most sad situation you could ever encounter with a person you considered a good friend. Distances is a bitch.