Weird Dream... Still awesome though

The wing mirror was stained; smoke clouded my reflection. The smell of gas was everywhere, but I liked that smell. It was intoxicating. In my youth, I used to get sort of high on it. All the gas stations smelled the same. I loved it.

My cigarette intertwined in my fingers; ashes fell to the floor. Breathing the smoky goodness, it just made me feel alright. I couldn’t have guessed that I’d end up smoking, could I? I asked myself ironically.

My mind couldn’t help but ask…Where were we now?

Marion was filling up the tank. She stared at me with a melancholic smile. I hated it… I couldn’t stand watching her being so concerned, it pissed me off. I looked at my reflection avoiding her gaze.

I couldn’t blame her for worrying…What were we doing anyway? We really had nowhere to go. She opened the door and sat in the driver’s seat, right beside me. I kept smoking, enjoying every sip of my cigarette ‘til it was no more, eventually, I let the rest fall with its ashes.

When my eyes met Marion’s, I knew without a doubt, she had a question in mind. I felt her trying to build up confidence to ask. She wanted to know everything, about what happened, of what I was thinking, what we were doing. Too bad… too bad I didn’t have any answer.

‘I… I wanted to ask...’ she suddenly muttered.

As soon as she started talking, I got out of the car. Without a second glance, I walked to the store in front of the gas station. Abruptly, I heard the car door slam shut. It was no mystery, not really, she was just pissed, and I could feel her rage.

‘Where are you going?’ Marion shrieked, hating how I was eluding her questions.

Annoyed by her attitude and her impatience, I turned my attention to her. The striking aggressiveness of my gaze had, to my surprise, shut her up. I was tired of her questions… I was tired… I was scared.

Inside the store, I searched for nothing in particular; just anything useful, though coming there was only an excuse to get away for a while, to get a break from reality. I didn’t need to be reminded of what I did. We were already on the run.

What I did… Could God forgive that? Or would he just pity my soul? I wondered. In any case, I wasn’t repenting at all; on the contrary, I would have done it again. And I knew, deep down inside, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed hearing his blood splash all over the tiled floor, feeling his skull crack at every strike…

‘Aha! More toilette paper… We sure needed that’ I said to myself in a low voice.

I grinned at the thought of not having found toilette paper. We could have been in trouble, regretfully, not all gas station bathrooms have paper.

The lady in the cash register had her radio on, between the bad signal and the bad music; I thought my head would explode. Unexpectedly the program was interrupted, and after a pause, a very rough voice spoke. I tried hearing what it said. It was blabbering about some robbery. That didn’t concern me, so I just kept shopping for more goods. When suddenly I heard the voice on radio say ‘We are still searching for the murderer of…’ The voice got lost with the signal.

A chill crept through my back. I could hardly breathe. It was me. I did it. I killed that son of a bitch. So what? Am I evil? Huh?

‘What? Say something already!’ I heard myself say to no one.

I paid all the goods and got out of there. It was a good thing the saleslady wasn’t paying attention to me.

Marion wasn’t at the car when I got there. No worries. I left the groceries there and went to the toilet. It was empty. And, even if I didn’t want to admit it, the place looked fucking creepy. I locked the door behind me as I entered.

‘You killed… Murderer!’ whispered a voice.

‘I don’t care… I know why I did it, so don’t fuck with me’ I shouted back, realizing that my voice sounded exactly the same as the first one.

I turned around; saw my reflection in the mirror. There was a girl, standing right where I was. It was a little girl, innocent looking, she wore pj’s and had a teddy in her arms. I knew that child, I thought as memories rushed through my mind. I knew that teddy; its name was Sasha, if I remembered correctly. And that girl; it was me.

I ran and slammed my face in the toilet. Puking my guts out, I felt like some drunken cunt. When I was finished, clumsily, I cleaned my mouth with some paper and flushed my little mess. I went to the sink and splashed some water all over my face. Watched the mirror; I was me again.

‘I talk to myself, huh? Now I’m pretty sure I’ve lost it’ I said, grinning at my reflection with a suspicious look.