Bye Bye Home... Hello reality check, busy life and chasing theories

Leaving home once more...

God! It hurts to leave the place where you normally belonged. Its been a month since I left my country and I can still feel that little sadness of not being with my parents or friends when I want.

I've been having a pretty busy life in San Sebastian, studying and all. Have no time to think much about dumb problems, and honestly I find that to be a relief. My vacations were full of losers that were only interested in sleeping with me. It was nice to feel wanted in a way. What wasn't nice was been looked at as an object. What most annoyed me of all was the fact that all of those guys expected me to chase after them.

I'm starting to think the world is coming to an end. Men and women are exchanging there places in this world, now guys act like "chicks" and women act like "dudes". I find it a bit confusing cause I'm a bit of both, meaning a "dude" and a "chick". I hate the whole idea of it though, that women are or should be "chicks", like acting all romantic and in love, stuff like that. Guys are or should be "dudes" that act like nothing matters, just living the moment, blah blah...

I don't know. It's still weird for me, men now a days expect women to chase them. I was used to being chased. This is like some fucked up world, I guess.

I don't have anything against chasing a guy I'd want. But! I would like to be chased also. So I think it should be equal the whole chasing thing. Sadly, the men that want me seem to still be "dudes" but dudes that want me to chase them. I find that very offensive, 'cause I don't  need to chase anyone. Its not like they're that important!

Only guy I've truly chased showed me a lesson. I hate chasing if I don't get chased back.

I have a pretty big pride thing going on normally. Other times I don't give a fuck. It's kinda pathetic now that I think about it. I mean, I've wanted a guy for so long, and this guy, well he means so much to me. In a way, I do chase him, but I don't really think he knows, he must think I'm always getting over him. Guess I don't know how to really chase the guys I really want. There is no point on chasing him now though.